We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
