I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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