the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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