There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
