cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
