I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize