Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
