I love black thongs
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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