When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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