How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
