There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
