I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what day is it and did you see me today?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
