Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
