I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
