I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
