You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
