i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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