Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
