so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize