we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
