I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
