and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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