I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
