It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
