He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
