I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No more Irish car bombs ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
