Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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