I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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