I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
