oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
