he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
please come you make the beer taste better
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
