yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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