he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize