it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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