I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
