No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
