Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
