he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
