Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Your cock deserves a montage
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
