Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
