I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize