Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
is it fun? or sober?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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