just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
