I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
