Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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