I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
