I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
