were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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