I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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