Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
