Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
