I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
