i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
