I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
