we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
