i would punch a child for taco bell
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
