On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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