Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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