She is in my trunk
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
