Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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