Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize