Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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