are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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