I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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