Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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