Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize