I forgot how hot balto sounded
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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