Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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