Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
