i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Congratulations! We have a period
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