Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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