Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
