i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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