giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
