So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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