ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
