I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
