i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
