Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
