Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
