Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
