Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dicks are not precious.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
